10 tips for dealing with difficult people
As an Alderman in a small town I have found a VERY VERY small group of people who no matter how happy I am they try to shake me up. NO matter what great job we do, they have something to say. No matter how much I try to make sure we all are included they feel like they are not heard..
I spent the last four years studing these people, and I have my own thoughts. I think that for the most part they feel like they are not heard, or that some work they have done is not equal to the work of the group, At the end of the day it is normal for us to want to be the best at most everytthing! Well, having an older brother I have always had someone ready to remind me that I am not the worlds best at anything!! Instead of falling into that trap, I used all the negative energy as "ENERGY" I was told I could never win an election.. I not just won but I did it as the youngest ever. I was told I would never make it as a business owner.. Nine locations later, and one new gym I stand here!! I was told I was going to waste the time of some clients and they should go after someone with MORE experience.. One gold medalist, I top ten kid in the nation, and a grip of upcoming basketball stars later I have the time to write this!!! If we always listened to what others told because they are jaded or live in or friends FAILURES!! We would of never been able to live in this great Nation!!! You think anyone told President Washington" I know you are out numbered by thousands!!" YOU CAN DO IT"(Waterboy Voice).. It we fell to the lack of vision or the ego's of others then we could debate if America could be such a power house that we are!!! In a short period of writing these blogs I have had more comments that seem to try to undermind the purpose of this site!!
I am here to help modivate, serve, and fellowship with others.. Now unless you are a Trusted Source.. Medical Doctor, or have some proof that 100 % what you are commenting is fact.. Please use the energy in the gym or in another way to become positive. Try to volunteer at your local Animal Shelter.. If you think I am going to let those who are real people who like what we do, or those people who use FACTS!! I find and repost to help get them through a workout or Bad Day!! Do Not POST. It wont make it on the site!! At least give a real name and not hide in Internet WORLD!! GOD SPEED!! Those who are hard to deal with call me I would love to give you a free week of training on me! And we can discuss different ways to channel that energy.. I PROMISE I WILL WORK WITH YOU>> TRY US!!! That's what I am here for!!
011, 7:32 AM PST
Takeaway: Some
people are just plain hard to get along with. But you don’t have to let them get
under your skin. Calvin Sun offers advice for surviving your encounters with
vexing customers and colleagues.
Unfortunately, difficult people — be they co-workers, bosses, or customers —
face us constantly. The way we handle them can affect our job, our advancement,
and even our health. Here are some tips to help you cope with
these problematic relationships.
Note: This article is also available as a PDF download.
1: Try not to take things personally
Hey Rocky, did you get the license number… of the truck that run over your
face?
In a memorable scene from the 1976 movie, Rocky is talking with his loan shark friend Gazzo, when the latter’s driver
asks this question. Trying to calm Rocky’s furious reaction, Gazzo says, “Look
Rocky, some people, they just hate for no reason.”
Sometimes, people are difficult simply because of who they are. It might have
nothing at all to do with you. So try not to take it personally — even if, as in
the case above, the comment is directed at you. That person might be that way
with everyone. Taking such comments personally only makes dealing with that
person harder for you.
2: Ask questions rather than make statements
Difficult people often have strong opinions. Sometimes they’re right, but
other times they might be wrong. And when they’re wrong, a more effective way to
point this out is to ask questions rather than to make statements. By asking
questions, you might be able to help the person recognize the issues in his or
her own position, with less risk of a confrontation.
For example, if someone insists on keeping all of your backup tapes in the server room, resist your first
urge to state the idiocy of the idea. Consider instead a question such as, “So
what will we do if a fire destroys the data center?” If the person responds, “We
will simply do a restore,” ask, “How will we do a restore if the only backup
tapes were destroyed in the fire?”
3: Have supporting evidence in writing
Are you in a meeting and trying to make a point but getting major resistance
from someone? If so, have written documentation that supports your claims. You
will have far more credibility if, for example, you can point to a Gartner Group
study or TechRepublic whitepaper that supports your choice of a vendor than if
you simply state reasons on your own.
4: Ensure understanding and communication
Effective communication is always important, but never more so than when you
are dealing with a difficult person. Many times, an argument will develop
because of communication breakdowns. When someone is talking, listen carefully
and make sure you understand that person’s point before you respond. Likewise,
make sure the other person understands your own point.
5: Use appropriate phrases when needed
If you sense that a communication breakdown has occurred, address it
immediately. The following phrases can be useful, and their contexts should be
obvious:
6: Use “I” rather than “you”
Using a statement that contains “I” involves less risk than a statement that
contains “you.” The first pronoun doesn’t sound like an accusation, so people
are less likely to react negatively. For instance, instead of saying, “You never
sent me that email,” consider saying, “I never received that email.”
7: Separate the issue from the person
When discussing an idea that a difficult person advances, try to separate the
idea from the person. In particular, if you have a concern, make clear that the
concern lies with the idea. Yes, the difficult person might still take offense,
but it’s less likely. So instead of saying, “Your idea has several issues,”
consider “That idea has several issues.”
Likewise, if a difficult person is commenting on an idea of yours, separate
yourself from it and look at it objectively. Criticisms of the idea will be less
disturbing to you.
8: Be assertive rather than obnoxious
In an article I once wrote for job seekers about interview skills, I
suggested that the interviewee should write a thank-you note afterward. Boy, did
I get hammered for that idea. One person commented that if he received such a
thank-you note, he would post it on a bulletin board so that others could laugh
at it.
Of course, I thought this comment was ridiculous but did not say so. Nor did
I suggest that the poster himself was ridiculous. I merely replied that I was
sorry he felt that way and that my suggestion was based on how I was brought up.
I also said that any company that treated my thank-you note that way wasn’t one
I would be happy working at anyway. In other words, I simply stated my reasons
and arguments, but did not attack the other person.
This same approach can help you in dealing with difficult people. You need
not be a doormat, but you also need not be as rude as the other person is being.
Simply stick to your facts and your arguments and remain professional.
9: Turn the tables
Difficult people like to take the offensive, and they like to put other
people on the defensive. Try turning the tables on that person. For example, if
someone says, “We can’t do that,” ask, “What CAN you do?” If that person says,
“We can’t be ready by that date,” ask “When CAN you be ready?” or “What factors
are keeping you from being ready on that date?”
10: Express appreciation when appropriate
Even if someone has a difficult personality, that person can help you learn a
skill or give you insight. If that happens, let the person know you appreciate
it. Just be sincere. Nothing turns people off more than someone who is trying to
curry favor. One hint: if you do thank or express appreciation to such a person,
do it without smiling, because your words will sound more sincere that
way.
As an Alderman in a small town I have found a VERY VERY small group of people who no matter how happy I am they try to shake me up. NO matter what great job we do, they have something to say. No matter how much I try to make sure we all are included they feel like they are not heard..
I spent the last four years studing these people, and I have my own thoughts. I think that for the most part they feel like they are not heard, or that some work they have done is not equal to the work of the group, At the end of the day it is normal for us to want to be the best at most everytthing! Well, having an older brother I have always had someone ready to remind me that I am not the worlds best at anything!! Instead of falling into that trap, I used all the negative energy as "ENERGY" I was told I could never win an election.. I not just won but I did it as the youngest ever. I was told I would never make it as a business owner.. Nine locations later, and one new gym I stand here!! I was told I was going to waste the time of some clients and they should go after someone with MORE experience.. One gold medalist, I top ten kid in the nation, and a grip of upcoming basketball stars later I have the time to write this!!! If we always listened to what others told because they are jaded or live in or friends FAILURES!! We would of never been able to live in this great Nation!!! You think anyone told President Washington" I know you are out numbered by thousands!!" YOU CAN DO IT"(Waterboy Voice).. It we fell to the lack of vision or the ego's of others then we could debate if America could be such a power house that we are!!! In a short period of writing these blogs I have had more comments that seem to try to undermind the purpose of this site!!
I am here to help modivate, serve, and fellowship with others.. Now unless you are a Trusted Source.. Medical Doctor, or have some proof that 100 % what you are commenting is fact.. Please use the energy in the gym or in another way to become positive. Try to volunteer at your local Animal Shelter.. If you think I am going to let those who are real people who like what we do, or those people who use FACTS!! I find and repost to help get them through a workout or Bad Day!! Do Not POST. It wont make it on the site!! At least give a real name and not hide in Internet WORLD!! GOD SPEED!! Those who are hard to deal with call me I would love to give you a free week of training on me! And we can discuss different ways to channel that energy.. I PROMISE I WILL WORK WITH YOU>> TRY US!!! That's what I am here for!!
011, 7:32 AM PST
Takeaway: Some
people are just plain hard to get along with. But you don’t have to let them get
under your skin. Calvin Sun offers advice for surviving your encounters with
vexing customers and colleagues.
Unfortunately, difficult people — be they co-workers, bosses, or customers —
face us constantly. The way we handle them can affect our job, our advancement,
and even our health. Here are some tips to help you cope with
these problematic relationships.
Note: This article is also available as a PDF download.
1: Try not to take things personally
Hey Rocky, did you get the license number… of the truck that run over your
face?
In a memorable scene from the 1976 movie, Rocky is talking with his loan shark friend Gazzo, when the latter’s driver
asks this question. Trying to calm Rocky’s furious reaction, Gazzo says, “Look
Rocky, some people, they just hate for no reason.”
Sometimes, people are difficult simply because of who they are. It might have
nothing at all to do with you. So try not to take it personally — even if, as in
the case above, the comment is directed at you. That person might be that way
with everyone. Taking such comments personally only makes dealing with that
person harder for you.
2: Ask questions rather than make statements
Difficult people often have strong opinions. Sometimes they’re right, but
other times they might be wrong. And when they’re wrong, a more effective way to
point this out is to ask questions rather than to make statements. By asking
questions, you might be able to help the person recognize the issues in his or
her own position, with less risk of a confrontation.
For example, if someone insists on keeping all of your backup tapes in the server room, resist your first
urge to state the idiocy of the idea. Consider instead a question such as, “So
what will we do if a fire destroys the data center?” If the person responds, “We
will simply do a restore,” ask, “How will we do a restore if the only backup
tapes were destroyed in the fire?”
3: Have supporting evidence in writing
Are you in a meeting and trying to make a point but getting major resistance
from someone? If so, have written documentation that supports your claims. You
will have far more credibility if, for example, you can point to a Gartner Group
study or TechRepublic whitepaper that supports your choice of a vendor than if
you simply state reasons on your own.
4: Ensure understanding and communication
Effective communication is always important, but never more so than when you
are dealing with a difficult person. Many times, an argument will develop
because of communication breakdowns. When someone is talking, listen carefully
and make sure you understand that person’s point before you respond. Likewise,
make sure the other person understands your own point.
5: Use appropriate phrases when needed
If you sense that a communication breakdown has occurred, address it
immediately. The following phrases can be useful, and their contexts should be
obvious:
- “That’s not what I said.”
- “That was not my question.”
- “Please let me finish.”
- “We’re [actually] saying the same thing.”
6: Use “I” rather than “you”
Using a statement that contains “I” involves less risk than a statement that
contains “you.” The first pronoun doesn’t sound like an accusation, so people
are less likely to react negatively. For instance, instead of saying, “You never
sent me that email,” consider saying, “I never received that email.”
7: Separate the issue from the person
When discussing an idea that a difficult person advances, try to separate the
idea from the person. In particular, if you have a concern, make clear that the
concern lies with the idea. Yes, the difficult person might still take offense,
but it’s less likely. So instead of saying, “Your idea has several issues,”
consider “That idea has several issues.”
Likewise, if a difficult person is commenting on an idea of yours, separate
yourself from it and look at it objectively. Criticisms of the idea will be less
disturbing to you.
8: Be assertive rather than obnoxious
In an article I once wrote for job seekers about interview skills, I
suggested that the interviewee should write a thank-you note afterward. Boy, did
I get hammered for that idea. One person commented that if he received such a
thank-you note, he would post it on a bulletin board so that others could laugh
at it.
Of course, I thought this comment was ridiculous but did not say so. Nor did
I suggest that the poster himself was ridiculous. I merely replied that I was
sorry he felt that way and that my suggestion was based on how I was brought up.
I also said that any company that treated my thank-you note that way wasn’t one
I would be happy working at anyway. In other words, I simply stated my reasons
and arguments, but did not attack the other person.
This same approach can help you in dealing with difficult people. You need
not be a doormat, but you also need not be as rude as the other person is being.
Simply stick to your facts and your arguments and remain professional.
9: Turn the tables
Difficult people like to take the offensive, and they like to put other
people on the defensive. Try turning the tables on that person. For example, if
someone says, “We can’t do that,” ask, “What CAN you do?” If that person says,
“We can’t be ready by that date,” ask “When CAN you be ready?” or “What factors
are keeping you from being ready on that date?”
10: Express appreciation when appropriate
Even if someone has a difficult personality, that person can help you learn a
skill or give you insight. If that happens, let the person know you appreciate
it. Just be sincere. Nothing turns people off more than someone who is trying to
curry favor. One hint: if you do thank or express appreciation to such a person,
do it without smiling, because your words will sound more sincere that
way.